My life has looked a little different on the outside since August 17th and my mental view of things changed quite a bit. I have had to relinquish control that I really never had....over big and minor things. I have thought twice about doing some of the simplest physical tasks and have had to learn new ways of getting things done.
My work as a hairstylist has continued and I think it has been a good constant for me. A focus during each day. People needed their hair done.....I love my work.....I love that it helps pay the bills and I love people and the life they bring to me. So I continued my schedule...sometimes to my detriment. As I finish off my last week behind the chair with 10 hour days and no days off, I look forward to the procedure. If nothing else, I get some uninterrupted time with my sweet man and some rest. I have been told that I can go back to work the following week.....with less hours.....but back to work nonetheless. What a miracle. In my heart, literally, one week. And back to work the next.
One friend brought me an angel by Kelly Rae Roberts. It says be brave. It hangs right where I can see it. And when the heart stuff breaks through the meds and my chest feels tight and uncomfortable or I get dizzy....I check out my angel and wait for the peace that comes.
Another dear friend stopped by one day to drop off an encouraging note...complete with Cd's. One part of her note moved me to to tears and I have read it several times. Because this condition that I have seems to be handed down from generation to generation, one particular part of her "vision" about a "root from an old distant tree" has changed the way I have prayed for me and for my children and my children's children.
She writes - "Debbie ~ As I was praying for you, and listening to Jonathan David Helser, God unfolded the following vision and word. I pray you "see" it too!
I heard the music stirring my heart, and saw a little girl giggling with golden curls,
swirling and dancing in an open field. The music lifted her feet and joy enveloped her being.
She was totally lost in the moment, unaware that someone was watching over her.
Suddenly she was tripped by a root from an old distant tree.
Tears streamed, and she instinctively looked up and raised her arms for help.
I saw the Lord reach down, lovingly, like any good daddy, and as He did,
she sunk into His arms.
Next, I saw the Lord reach into her heart, and He just held it.
It was beating wildly, and as soon as His fingers brushed by it -
it burst into a vibrant Horn of Plenty. Fresh, delicious colorful fruit poured out!
Oh! It could not be contained. He began singing "It is good!"
As the words fell from His lips -
it was as if liquid love, like honey, ran down the golden curls to her bare feet.
As it covered her feet, she began dancing and singing
"it is good, it is good".
Non-stop. Just can't stop.
He is your Abba, daddy, and He's holding your heart.
And it is good, dear Debbie!
So I walk into a weekend with no medications to still my wildly beating heart and trust that the very One who made it holds every beat in His hands.