Thursday, January 26, 2012


It has been 42 days since my last post. 
That's a long time.
It has felt like a long time.
The two weeks after the last post I couldn't gather enough coherent words together to make a post.  I couldn't even speak an entire stream of words without losing my breath.
Then I had the procedure.
That was difficult enough.  Apparently I didn't hear all the fine details that encompassed the ablation.  Nor did I get the full picture of what life was going to be like afterward.  I
That really does make a difference.
The first few days after coming home from the hospital, I took it easy.  It was Christmas and I was surrounded by family who encouraged naps....who cooked food....who loved me through touch.  I had friends and clients who dropped by with unsolicited food.....delicious soups, breads, and treats. 
I was loved.
But all the high expectations I was led to believe would happen, did not.
In fact, I was unprepared for a racing heart rate of 175 when I took the sheets off the bed.
I was not prepared to expect the inability to participate in the mundane activities of life with a side order of falling to the floor dizzy I couldn't make heads or tails of which way was up.
Stairs became my enemy and the biggest challenge of my days.  Before I went to work in the morning I made sure I had everything I needed from the top floor before I went downstairs.
I had really given up hope of returning to any type of exercise. 
Normally, I wouldn't be that upset.
Except that my body told my no.
And I don't like being told no.
By anyone.
Even myself.
So I have struggled.  I have cried.  I have talked to my heart and encouraged it to be strong.  To respond to the changes that they made during the procedure.  To build scar tissue along the lines where they cauterized.
And today....I felt it.
The difference.
The green light.
I had noticed a few instances this week where I did something physical without thinking and didn't pay a heart thumping price for it.
The stairs had gradually not become the dreaded challenge they have been.
So today, I donned my tennis shoes.  Threw on my sweats.  Leashed the dog.  And took off down the street.
And I walked it....and the two cul de sacs....twice. 
At a clip.
Out of breath.
And when I took my heart rate at the top of the hill the second time....
Inspired I came back and did dips on the front stairs.  Modified push ups on the front stairs.
Then I ran up the inside stairs and made breakfast.
I wasn't dizzy.
I wasn't out breath.