When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life.
-Albert F. Geoffry
Have you ever felt like you are in the driver's seat of your vehicle but that someone else was driving? To borrow a line of thought from the movie The Holiday....I should be playing the leading the lady of my own life and not the role of the best friend. In essence, others have been directing my path. Not of late. But for some time. They didn't come in demanding that I give them that kind of power, but I handed it over one piece at a time.
I hand it over in time. I hand it over with money. I hand it over mentally. And each action causes me to lose more of myself and cripples their ability to stand on their own. It is a fine line I walk between being a compassionate caring woman and being a shadow in my own life.
Last year I came across a blog about not making resolutions, but about choosing a word that could be used as a foundation for the year. This year's word came to me a couple of weeks ago. The word is Balance. Oddly enough, as I see the word in my mind's eye, the letters are on a curvy line and not linear at all. As if I wrote them down while driving on a bumpy road. I'm not sure I want them completely even by this year's end. That might suggest a lack of flexibility. I looked up the meaning of the word because that's the type of person I am. *Equal distribution of weight. *Mental Steadiness or emotional stability. *Habit of calm behavior or judgement. ~~~ In wine making : ) ~~~ The degree to which all the attributes of a wine are in harmony. With nothing too prominent or deficient.* I may be using a word as my north star, but the definitions I found can be the buffers to measure myself against.
My dear friend, Lacey, has a beautiful granddaughter who loves to watch an old video that was taken about two years ago. Lacey and her husband, along with my sweet man and myself are jumping around and clowning around trying to get a particular pose down for a picture. When the video is done, her granddaughter looks around and asks, "More Debbie"? So that will be my theme....more Debbie. That balance can help push away the fog that clouds my mind and the emotions that others use to take over the stability I need for me.